I checked my e-mails and found one from The Wild Rose Press.
Of course it’s not my first, yet this one really hurt. It was a rejection for one of the books I’d previously contracted for with another epublisher. That particular publisher closed up shop for new releases and I regained the rights to the book. I guess I let myself believe the story was so wonderful no one could possibly pass it up. I was wrong. I actually cried after reading the e-mail. I literally cried. In fact as soon as I saw the editor’s name, I sensed I didn’t want to read it. I just knew it wasn’t going to be good news.
I’m tired of it all. I’ve been writing for over twenty years and I still have nothing to show for it. I feel like just giving up. Never before had I allowed another person’s words so much control over my emotions. Why bother writing anymore at all? Why put myself through the millions of downs for one tiny up? Why not just say ‘I tried’ and let it all go? Why waste the next twenty years of my life trying to fulfill a dream that I should have let go of a long time ago?
Then I realized something important–I love writing. I could no more stop writing than stop breathing. It’s in my blood, in my soul. I need to write. And I’ve just realized something else–I’m not a bad writer because yet another person didn’t like my story. I’m not a bad writer because I’ve gotten yet another rejection. I’m not a bad writer. Even I realize now this particular book is not one of my best. I lost the last half of the book when my hard drive died on me so I had to rewrite it. While rewriting it, I decided to change a bunch of things around to make it shorter. My writing is so much better now because of all the extra work I did on this book.
And the rejection wasn’t all bad either. Kat, the editor, did leave me with some nice comments and articles on how I can fix the problems she found in the manuscript. The majority of which, thanks to a bunch of wonderful ladies who critique my work, I’m already aware of.
No, I don’t plan on giving up.
Never give up on your dreams!